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When Disharmony is the Norm by Gayla Grace

When Disharmony is the Norm

 

When Disharmony is the Norm by Gayla Grace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted a peaceful home. Harmony and order. Randy and I were newly married, and I’d hoped our kids would get along and be kind to each other.

I soon realized that was more like a dream. And achieving it, a tall order.

A VERY tall order.

We were parenting four kids from two different homes. Two different backgrounds. Two sets of rules. Two sets of expectations.

And we were all learning to live together. Conflict, accompanied by heightened emotions, erupted all too often. Most of the time, there was little warning.

Peace and harmony were not the norm. Getting along and treating each other with kindness…uh, not so much.

Then I attended a stepfamily conference. I heard stepfamily expert Ron Deal speak.

“In a stepfamily, you must learn to endure disharmony.” he said.

His words gave me hope. They relieved my guilt about the lack of peace in my home.When Disharmony is the Norm by Gayla Grace

When we join two families and begin to untangle the emotions, the circumstances, and the history that brought everyone together, it’s not unusual to have minor (or major) emotional eruptions.

In the beginning, I thought we were failing in our relationships when we couldn’t get along. Ron’s words made me realize that instead of failing we were normal!

That didn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue peaceful relationships. But it helped to remember we were only responsible for our efforts, not the outcome.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Romans 12:18

It’s not usually just ONE thing that contributes to the emotional disruptions. It’s MANY things.  The behavior in our stepchildren’s other home, teenage emotions, stepsibling rivalry, a difficult ex-spouse, loss from death or divorce—they all have a tremendous impact on the climate in our home but are out of our control.

Even if we do everything right as stepparents, there will likely be tension and days of little peace in the early years of a stepfamily.

Is your stepfamily in the midst of disharmony? Hang in there! This season will pass.

“…but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26b

Look for ways to get the support you need to walk this rocky road. Find other stepmoms or friends who can encourage you while your stepfamily works out its kinks. Look for ways to take care of yourself that allow you to recharge and renew your spirit.

Attend our upcoming Sisterhood of Stepmoms retreat and find hope and encouragement!

But don’t give up! Stepfamily life gets easier with time.

Is your stepfamily in the midst of disharmony? Will you share how you cope with it?

Coping with Unexpected Challenges on Your Stepfamily Journey

I sat by my phone anxiously, watching every text that came across. My niece was having a baby, and I wanted to know the details. Was it a boy or a girl?  What was the name? How big? How was my niece doing?

ID-100396479So many questions. The answers were slow to come. And then a revelation no one expected.

The baby was delivered, and all seemed to be fine. A beautiful baby girl. Eleanor Joy. My niece was doing great.

But without warning, another text crossed my screen. Something wasn’t right. A diagnosis no one suspected had surfaced.

Beautiful Eleanor Joy had Down Syndrome. The doctor was certain of it.

I shuddered as I reread the text. No! It can’t be! I thought. The extensive ultrasounds. The routine prenatal visits. How was it never discovered? How will my niece and her husband cope with this unexpected turn?

Questions without answers. They dominate life. How do you handle them?

In our stepfamily journey, we had an unexpected turn eight years into our marriage. We had moved past the hard transitions, and our family was beginning to enjoy more peaceful relationships. Our four children could sit at the dinner table without fighting (on occasion!)  and hope was on the horizon.

But the call from my husband’s ex-wife with unexpected news shook our family to the core. She had colon cancer—late stage. Read more