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Sisterhood of Stepmoms Retreat

Why Attend a Sisterhood of Stepmom Retreat?

Sisterhood of Stepmoms (SOS) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping any woman dating, engaged or married to a man with kids find help, hope, and healing. We walk alongside women to offer answers to the challenges that accompany the journey.

Our SOS team is making plans for our 4th annual retreat at the Dallas Cooper Hotel and Spa September 22-23, 2017. We have some wonderful speakers joining us and will have workshops on topics that include:

      • The Ex-Wife: How to Cope with a Difficult Relationship
      • Parental Alienation Syndrome
      • What About the Kids:  The Effects of Loss
      • What Healthy Boundary Setting Looks Like
      • When You Want a Baby of Your Own
      • The Full-Time Stepmom
      • First Aid Kit for Your Marriage
      • Adult Stepchildren
      • Your Emotions Don’t Define You
      • And More!

 

Here are a few comments from women who have attended our retreats in the past:

“It meant the world—meeting the other stepmoms was life-saving!”

“I have felt so alone but this gave me tools to use to better the environment in my home.”

“It is priceless to know women who understand your heart and your hurt.”

“The stepmom retreat experience means hope to me.”

I hope you’ll consider joining us! You’ll find all the details at Sisterhood of Stepmoms. 

I’d love to meet you there!

Celebrate Mother's Day with Stepmoms

Five Great Ways to Celebrate Mother’s Day as a Stepmom

One of the hardest hurdles to cope with as a stepparent is the reality that we make the same sacrifices as a biological parent but  reap very few rewards for our efforts. In his book, The Smart Stepfamily, Ron Deal gives three reasons why the stepmother role is even more difficult than the stepfather role.

“First, children tend to maintain more frequent contact with their noncustodial mothers. Second, children’s attachment to their biological mother is believed to be stronger than their attachment to their father, making the acceptance and bonding with a stepmother even more difficult. Third, because society expects women to achieve a higher relational standard than men, stepmothers feel greater pressure to build a strong attachment with stepchildren.”

We know it’s not easy being a stepmother, right? Thus, we have every reason to celebrate and affirm ourselves on Mother’s Day for what we do for our stepchildren. But we don’t have to wait and let our stepchildren’s response control our day.

Five Great Ways to Celebrate Mother's Day as a StepmomIt’s natural for stepchildren to honor their biological mom on Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, that could mean the stepmom gets left out.

So why not choose to create your own special day? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Spend Saturday night at a Bed and Breakfast and wake up Sunday morning to a breakfast prepared for you. Re-connect with your spouse as you reminiscence and celebrate the good things happening in your stepfamily.

2. Find another stepmom who’s  having a difficult time and spend the afternoon with her. Encourage her efforts and talk through her challenges. Laugh together and affirm each other for the special role you’re playing as you’re making a difference in your stepchildren’s lives.

3. Abandon your house and spend the day at a nearby lake, beach, bike path or hiking trail. Absorb the beauty of nature and remind yourself of God’s love for you through His creation, His sovereignty over your life, and His willingness to walk with you through difficult times.

4. Attend your favorite church service with a beautiful corsage on, signifying the important role you play as a stepmom. Then spend the afternoon with your spouse creating a “God box” that outlines prayer concerns for your stepfamily on small pieces of paper. As you drop each concern in the box, pray for your family’s needs. Keep the box going for an entire year and re-visit the box next year to see how God has answered your prayers.

5. Give yourself the gift of relaxation with a good book, time at the movies or a day at the spa with a girlfriend. Eat at your favorite restaurant and tell your family you’ll be taking the day off from chores. Pamper yourself in whatever way feels special to you.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a difficult day for stepmoms. Plan your own celebration! You deserve it! And if your husband’s looking for a gift idea for you, tell him to send you to the Stepmom Retreat in September. It will be a great time of fellowship with other stepmoms and a place to find help, healing, and hope on your journey. Go here for details: http://blendedandbonded.com/events/

How are you celebrating this week-end? I would love to hear about it!

Pic by  posterize.  This post was originally posted 5/9/2012

Related Posts:

Celebrating Mother’s Day as a Stepmom

More Mother’s Day Thoughts

 

 

Dear Stepparent: Let Go of the Guilt

I often wonder why we so easily assume feelings of guilt surrounding our stepparenting journey. Why can’t we accept we’re imperfect? Why do we insist we must do everything right or our stepchildren will never love or accept us?

Perhaps society dictates that to us, particularly as stepmoms. But it isn’t true. And guilt is a powerful emotion. As long as you choose to feel guilty for the things you’ve done wrong, God cannot use the things you’ve done right for His glory.

So today and every day forward, I want you to focus on letting go of the guilt for:

  • Choosing to take a break from stepparenting when you know you need one.
  • Supporting your husband in disciplining his children.
  • Embracing a career that satisfies you.
  • Spending time with a girlfriend to nourish your soul.
  • Loving your stepchild in spite of his/her flaws.
  • Choosing to stay out of the relationship between your spouse and his ex.
  • Encouraging your spouse to spend time his biological child…alone.
  • Not loving your stepchild the same way you love your own child.
  • Making a less-than-perfect choice…again.
  • Putting your needs ahead of your stepchildren’s needs at times.
  • Doing fun things with your children, even if your stepchildren aren’t with you.
  • Planning a date night.
  • Spending time with your biological child…alone.
  • Choosing to embrace your new family, despite what others think.

Where do you struggle with guilt and how have you overcome it? Will you share it with us?

Celebrating Valentine’s Day as a Stepcouple

Have you made plans for Valentine’s Day yet? If not, please do. As a stepcouple, you deserve a night out to celebrate your marriage and enjoy time as a couple.heartStepfamily life includes too much time trying to cope with the everyday strain of kid issues, or co-parenting with a difficult ex-spouse, or juggling the emotions that crop up constantly that surround stepfamily challenges.

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate the love that brought you and your spouse together. Leave the kids at home and spend the night out. Make plans to do something special. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or even involve the entire evening. But it needs to send the message to each of you that your marriage is important.

Make a few rules surrounding the evening. There will be no discussion of children, ex-spouses, financial challenges, or job stress. The evening is to be dedicated to celebrating your love and what brought the two of you together. Make plans for the future. Dream about years to come when the kids will be gone (it really does happen, I promise). Or plan a summer vacation for just the two of you.

But don’t let Valentine’s Day slip by without celebrating your marriage. It only comes once a year. What’s your plan?

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? I would love to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grasping the Value of Boundaries as a Stepparent

As I was listening to my friend complain about the disrespectful behavior from her stepson, I couldn’t help but think, “Why haven’t you established some boundaries that would allow you to take care of yourself instead of putting up with his self-centered behavior?

We can require respect from our stepchildren, even if they don’t like us. Our actions or inactions teach others how to treat us. It helps to team up with our spouse and set some ground rules (i.e. yelling is not allowed, even when you’re angry), and then follow through with consequences if they’re not followed.

It isn’t our role as stepparents to be walked on, taken advantage of, or neglected. We have needs and wants also, and it’s okay to express our needs and learn how to take care of ourselves.

For example, I learned many years ago that I don’t deal well with chaos. It makes me nervous to spend a lot of time in an environment that is loud or uncontrolled. Since my husband and I have five children, I can’t completely avoid those situations.

However, I’ve learned that if I take a time-out for myself when we have large groups of kids at the house and let my husband be in charge for awhile, I can regroup and come back to the interaction refreshed. I want our kids to be comfortable having their friends over, so I’ve learned how to cope with my limitations.

I’ve also learned that I have less patience with my stepson and his ideas of post-college life than I do my stepdaughter’s quest for mature decision-making about her future. I’ve learned that my husband can guide my stepson better without the judgment and lack of understanding I experience. It’s more natural for me to spend my emotional energy influencing my stepdaughter regarding her long-term relationship or my biological girls with their current struggles.

As stepparents, we make constant sacrifices for our stepchildren and may see few rewards, particularly in the beginning. If we give up too much of ourselves in order to meet the constant needs of others, we will wind up frustrated or resentful. It’s our responsibility as stepparents to determine what we must do to take care of ourselves adequately.

I like the way Sue Thoele discusses boundaries in The Courage to be a Stepmom:. “With practice and commitment, taking care of ourselves and setting self-nurturing limits can become second nature. Cultivating the ability to say “no” to unreasonable responsibilities and expectations makes it easier for us to say “yes” to love and laughter.”

Do you need to practice saying “no” this week?

Related Posts:

The Power of Boundaries as a Stepparent: Part One

The Power of Boundaries as a Stepparent: Part Two