The Blessing of an “Ours” Baby

I was approaching 40 years old. My husband and I had four children already – we each brought two from our previous marriage. My husband had had a vasectomy almost ten years prior. How could we even consider having a child together?

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

I wanted a child with my husband. We knew the odds were against us. But we chose to claim God’s promise and do our part to make it happen.

The doctor was frank. “You have less than a 50% success rate because of your age and the length of time since the original surgery. But I’ll do the surgery if you’d like.”

We agreed. It appeared to be successful. Two months later, I was pregnant. Three months shy of my 40th birthday, I delivered a healthy baby boy. Praise the Lord!

Nathan turns 12 years old today. He has been a complete joy to our family.  He is the common thread we all share. And he is the one child my husband and I can enjoy and raise without any outside influences.

Gayla, nathan

But having an “ours” baby is not for everyone. For some, it’s not even an option. And if you’re considering it, I don’t recommend doing it immediately after marriage. My husband and I were married five years before we began the process.

There are sacrifices to an “ours” baby. Many times, there is an age gap between an “ours” baby and other children. Vacations become harder to navigate when you’re planning activities for a wide range of ages. In addition, other children in the family can become sensitive to playing favorites with the “ours” child.

And of course, there’s another mouth to feed. Current statistics say it costs more than a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child to 18 years old. Add college expenses on top of that.  We currently have three children in college. We have put braces on five sets of teeth. We have paid for glasses or contacts for four of our five children. We have bought and insured a bunch of cars. And the list goes on.

But do I regret our decision of an  “ours” baby? Absolutely not.  The financial and personal sacrifices we have made can never outweigh the joy of the only child my husband and I share together. I will be forever thankful for our blessing, Nathan Cole Grace.

Do you have an “ours” baby? Are you hoping for an “ours” baby? Please share and I’ll be happy to pray with you about it.

Other Posts You Might Enjoy:

When God Says Wait

God’s Timing is Different Than Ours

Count Your Blessings

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9 replies
  1. Sharon
    Sharon says:

    We had an “ours” baby right away and while there were some minor inconveniences, all our children cherish him and we found him to be the common link. Now, we’re expecting another and we’re sure he’ll be just as much of a blessing. Before our first baby together joined the family, it was nice that we could call on the other parents of our children to watch the kids and schedule some alone get aways, which we find much more difficult now, but even still, every baby is a gift and a blessing and we don’t find the other children jealous of him in anyway or that he is any greater expense even really. I do feel like the “common link” title can be a lot of pressure, so we certainly don’t play on that idea but there is something organically true about it nonetheless.

    • Step Parenting with Grace
      Step Parenting with Grace says:

      Congratulations Sharon on the baby you’re expecting! I’m thankful to hear of your “ours” baby and another one on the way. Children are truly a gift and in a blended family, it’s an additional blessing to bring another one into the mix. Thank you for your comment. God bless you as you grow your blended family!

  2. Tabitha
    Tabitha says:

    Gayla,
    Thank you for sharing this story with your readers. I have struggled with this topic ever since Jim and I got married. I did not think I wanted anymore children when Jim and I were planning on getting married. It wasn’t until after we were married that the feelings “appeared” about having a child together for me only. Jim also had a vasectomy about 8 years prior. He told me he did not want anymore children. My nagging feeling is surrounded by the fact that I will never have a child with someone that loves and cares about me and having a child within that type of relationship. (As you are aware, my previous husband was a very abusive person and the relationship was very toxic.) I feel as if I have to face this fact head on and embrace it because it will never change. I have to be honest – I do struggle with it. I don’t understand how Jim would not want to have a baby together. His main point is that we are almost done with raising our 4 children together and he does not want to start all over again and having our 4 is more than enough for him. There is a lesson to be learned in all of this for me – I just don’t understand it all yet. I fear that I may never learn why. It is definitely a cross for me to bear.

    • Step Parenting with Grace
      Step Parenting with Grace says:

      I’m sorry Tabitha — that’s a tough one to deal with. It seems to be more natural for a woman to want another child with her current husband and not as big an issue for the husband, particularly when it means another surgery for them as in your case and mine. I understand your longing and how difficult that must be for you. There are no easy answers and unfortunately, sometimes we don’t get to understand why. We simply must trust that God sees our pain and will help us work through our feelings if we ask Him to. Thank you for sharing. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂 Gayla

  3. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth says:

    I got married at 28 to a man 15 yrs senior that came with three almost teenagers. (Their mother was deceased before I came into the picture.) We had a baby a year after getting married. Initially the oldest child was not happy about it. But thankfully, they all adore the little man (2 yrs) now and it has helped bond our family better than I could have imagined.

    New reader here. Looking forward to reading more!

  4. Gayla Grace
    Gayla Grace says:

    Great to hear from you Elizabeth. I’m glad to know things are going better as everyone has adjusted to the “our” child. Blessings to you.
    Gayla

  5. Maemoe
    Maemoe says:

    I married 2.5 years ago to a man who had a 11 year old daughter. We got pregnant almost immediately after marriage and had our first daughter in the same year we got married! While I was pregnant, my hubby’s daughter asked to move in, which I agreed to. Now, we are expecting our second child. It has been a HUGE transition and challenge for me to be a new wife and mom of three from being single for 37 years. I am glad that we have “ours” children. It has been a rough road for me and my stepdaughter. Started out well, and then age 13 hit. What did I sign up for? My biological daughter is a delight to all of us, and I anticipate my son will be too. Going through the “you’re not my mother” stuff with my step has been really hurtful since her mom is very absent from the picture and does not help to raise her in any way. I have taken on the responsibility but have to deal with the loyalty rejection all at the same time. Having my own child in the picture has been a blessing for me, because I did not think I would ever have any children (although I wanted my own) and the bond that is there soothes a lot of the pain and struggle I feel with relating to my stepdaughter. I realize we have a long road ahead in terms of developing a good relationship, and I am praying to be able to accept her again, and to truly embrace her as family, to forgive the rejection, and to selflessly pour into her life, seeing her as Christ sees her. Please pray for me!!!! Many days are a drudgery for me with respect to the step relationship. Since we all live together, it is harder. I do not regret having my own child, and as quickly as we did.

    • Gayla Grace
      Gayla Grace says:

      Thank you for your comment. I’m thankful you have your biological child to help soothe some of the pain thrown at you from your stepdaughter. Age 13 is such a hard age for kids – particularly girls. Sometimes you just have to hang on until some of the challenges pass, praying and seeking to do the right thing. I’ll pray for you. Thank you for reaching out. I don’t know where you live but I’m sure you would love the support and encouragement you would find if you attend one of our stepmom retreats. We have one in Asheville, NC in September. Details here: http://sisterhoodofstepmoms.com/ Praying God’s blessings on you and your family.

      • Maemoe
        Maemoe says:

        Thank you for your response and for this great resource, Gayla! I have been desperately looking for good resources and input from women that see things from a biblical perspective. I look forward to more of your posts. I really wish I could join you and the other women at the upcoming retreat, but, Lord willing, I will be immersed again in newborn duties by that time (I am due in late July.) I am in the East Coast region (NY/NJ) so, I do also make a humble request for events in my neck of the woods. I would absolutely love to connect with other step-moms. Cheers to you.

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