“Mom I have mono. The doctor thinks I’ve had it six or seven weeks. He says I might need to quit my job so I can finish out the school semester while trying to get well.”
My daughter’s words were distressing. A 21-year-old college student living in another state, I knew she had been sick but never guessed it could be mono. I felt powerless as to how I could help.
A few days later I received another call from my 21-year-old stepson, also a college student living out of state. “Gayla, I have bronchitis. The doctor put me on an antibiotic but says I need to take a few days off work and get plenty of rest.”
Again the feeling of helplessness came over me. Accepting my role as a mom living 250 miles from three of our children has been agonizing for me at times. But I can’t change it.
It reminds me of the years my stepdaughter and stepson lived with their mom more than 300 miles away and how helpless I felt about their circumstances. My stepson suffered from severe allergies and asthma but lived in a home with two parents who smoked. When he came to visit, we went to the doctor, refilled prescriptions, and sent instructions back home regarding the need to keep him isolated from smoke.
But the instructions were often disregarded.
I couldn’t change his circumstances. I couldn’t change the behavior that took place in their home. I could only control my reaction to it.
The stepparenting journey will inevitably bring unpleasant circumstances and difficult behavior we cannot change. Maybe it’s an ex-pouse. Perhaps it’s a rebellious teen-ager. Or it could be an unforeseen circumstance that disrupts your home, like my husband’s job loss that resulted in an unwanted re-location.
Regardless of the situation, we find peace when we accept what we cannot change, and choose to focus on our reaction and ability to change what’s within our power.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’ve had my share of pity-parties when I’ve cried out to the Lord about living so far from our children. I’ve pleaded and bargained with Him to change our circumstances.
But I don’t find peace there. I don’t find answers to my struggles. I find discontentment and hopelessness.
I find peace only when I go back to the Serenity Prayer and sincerely pray:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”
What about you? Are you trying to change a circumstance you need to accept? Or have you found peace through acceptance? I’d love to hear from you.
Other Posts You Might Enjoy:
Creating Healthy Boundaries with your Ex-Spouse
Coping with Stepfamily Drama Part Two