In my 20 plus years of being a stepmom, I have had more conversations than I can count with other stepmoms who are frustrated and desperately trying to achieve SUPER STEPMOM STATUS. It’s as if it’s an award to be given out at the end of the year. But they aren’t achieving the status and instead end up feeling like a failure. Year after year they vow it will be different but the next year rolls around and things are the same. No award. No loving stepchild who thinks they are great.
No. It’s just the same ole thing. And often we feel we’ve failed.
You are not alone.
You are not the first nor will you be the last stepmom to:
- think you have failed.
- believe with all your heart that you CAN be the best stepmom ever!
- believe your stepchild will LOVE you!
- and they will want to be your friend!
The reality is that they don’t think you’re the best. They may not ever love you nor want to be your friend.
I speak from experience. During my stepson’s adolescent years, he found all kinds of reasons to dislike me. Some of them might have been legitimate, but most were unfounded. Regardless of how hard I tried to be a good stepmom to him, he rejected my efforts.
I tried. He rejected. I tried again. He rejected again.
The cycle went on.
I wish I could tell you there was a “magic formula” to ensure stepmom success. But I can’t tell you that. What I can tell you is there’s no such thing as “SUPER STEPMOM!”
Sometimes we’re dealing with a difficult teenager. Or a younger child that whines and cries.
Are we going to want to quit and throw in the towel? Most definitely! But we have to remember we’re the adult in the equation. We need to keep our cool as best we can. We can pray and ask for strength from the One who is greater than we are. And then remember … this is normal stepfamily dynamics.
I’ve been married to my stepson’s dad for 20+ years. Finally, after many difficult years, my stepson and I now have a good relationship.
Is it because I became a different person toward him?
No. It’s because he has matured into a young man who, at 27 years old, recognizes and appreciates the role I’ve played in his life.
Did I want to quit being his stepmom during those adolescent years?
Did I deserve the treatment I received?
Am I thankful I didn’t walk away?
Quitting is NOT the answer!
Trying to achieve SUPER STEPMOM status does not guarantee a good relationship with your stepchild.
It almost always results in unmet expectations. Consistent love over time, through the ups and downs of life, could be the difference.
Remember this: regardless of your stepchild’s behavior, the only way you fail in this role, is if you quit.
Are you trying to be SUPER STEPMOM? How is that working out for you?