“I’m failing my International Business class,” my stepson Payton relayed to me through tears. “It doesn’t matter how much I study, I don’t do well on Ms. Cantrell’s tests and I’m afraid it’s too late in the semester to pull my grade up to passing.”
As a 3rd year college student, Payton understands the consequences of failing a class at this stage of the game. Although he had a history of neglecting assignments in high school, he doesn’t want to fail and we’ve talked on several occasions about the importance of applying himself in his upper-level college courses.
“If you’ve done the best you can, there’s no point in berating yourself over it,” I said. “Sometimes we can’t foresee the difficulty of a class for us until it’s too late.”
A business major myself as a young college student, I went on to tell Payton my struggle in Accounting at the undergraduate level. I hated the subject and couldn’t grasp the concepts. But it was required to advance in my major and after making a “D” the first semester, I was forced to take the class again.
Payton was broken over his inability to pass the class. I immediately sensed his need for grace as he talked to me. There was no need for consequences as I knew the natural consequences of his actions would be enough.
In my early years of stepparenting, I didn’t offer grace freely enough to my stepchildren. When they did wrong, it was easier to harbor anger and build up resentment toward them. Forgiveness and grace didn’t flow easily.
But I’ve learned that the person who suffers the most from that unforgiving spirit is me. My stepchildren don’t see the bitter feelings I’m carrying around or sense its strangling hold on my spirit. They only see the fallout of my feelings through angry words or inappropriate behavior.
I love the acronym that illustrates God’s grace for us: God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense. As we celebrated Easter this past Sunday, I was reminded of God’s sacrifice for us. His grace is more than we can ever comprehend. And although we’ll never be asked to illustrate that kind of grace, we are given the opportunity to offer grace every day to those living around us – our imperfect stepchildren who need it more than we realize.
How can you illustrate grace today?
Healthy Stepparenting: Don’t Keep Score